Maternal Instinct

It doesn’t sound politically correct (to my son), but I’m gonna say it anyway – I didn’t feel the so called ‘love at first sight’, or the ‘I fell in love with you once i laid eyes on you’ sensation with my son (when he was first heaved onto my belly like a 3kg naked turkey).

It was a strange feeling. We are bonded by flesh and blood…and yet, he feels like a complete stranger. (Yes, despite the 9 months of talking to my growing belly)

I remember the nurse passing him to me in the delivery room for the first time (for a trial breast feeding attempt). Funnily, he gave me an instant dirty ‘What are you doing?!’ look, complete with the typical frown inherited from his father.

I still smile when I think about this today – obviously he couldn’t see anything much at that time, he probably was just pissed that he was no longer in the warm and tight environment he had been used to for so long.

Likened to knowing a new friend, I have to say I like him more and more. It’s such a peculiar relationship – I felt more responsibility than crazy love for him at the beginning. And honestly, in between the sleeping, pooing, peeing, breast-feeing and crying, it was hard to have crazy love for this tiny being with so much needs that deprive me of so much comfort. But as the days go by… like what i’ve been telling my friends – “I like him more and more”. It’s like this new friend you got to know a month ago? Well, after much interaction, he’s starting to grow on you.

So I never understand mums who said that they are so in love with their children ‘at first sight’. But then, maybe it’s because I never believe in love at first sight.

I know that the road ahead is long, and there will be times when he will talk back at me, probably even hate me. But I reflect on my relationships with my parents, we all have been there, haven’t we? Maybe having a child is the stage in my life when I will finally learn unconditional love….

The best thing that happened to me in 2016 was the birth of Dave.

Happy New Year to all of us. Looking forward to the many happy memories that are to be made in 2017…

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