I mean, seriously, they’re overkill(ing me).
in times like this, I do wonder how i can NOT be a machine. maybe i just need inspiration to transport myself to another world when i sing these over-rated songs.
4 weddings over the weekend means swollen feet, half-filled stomach or with lousily-digested food, 5-hr sleep per nite (no thanks to French class + homework), and dark eye circles. I think I need better planning – so guess what I just did –> for the 2009 calendar, I’ve shaded and blocked off a Sat if I’m booked on a Sun, and vice-versa. What a bliss!
The thing which threw me offcourse was the emergency call from another fellow musician friend on Sat night, just after finishing a post-wedding bak kut teh supper – she suspected her boyfriend of 4mths was cheating on her online and needed me to fly to her for comfort. I couldn’t close my gaping mouth when she told me the flirting lines – it was so surreal. I thought those lines were only said in sitcoms/comedies. You know the strange twist in your guts when you see someone too handsome and you feel so turned off cos he doesn’t seem real and really should just walk back into the magazine /TV screen where he belongs?
The guy IS a jerk, and he turned out to be more than a playboy; on top of it, he’s a morph-to-anything-depending-on-who-he-is-near-to kind of chameleon i.e. super PR person. Suddenly my life is more exciting because of his personality (like, should I actually go and thank him for colouring my life). My sweet and demure friend kept asking me ‘why is he like that’, ‘why am I meeting these kind of men’, ‘do you think he feels sad’ etc blah blah blah. I told her if I know the answers, I could be the almighty more commonly known as God.
The best thing I’ve learnt this year is, don’t bother asking other people about what they think when the matter concerns me. 99% of the times, the answer is already in me . I’m confused only because I refuse (or neglect) to respect my feelings. Most people prefer to counter their feelings with cognitive thoughts more accessible by words. Hello feelings, you poor dudes, you have no alphabetical representations so I don’t know how to suss you out!
‘Counselling’ her requires me to use certain personal experiences, and suddenly I see the contrast in a 24 and a 29 yr-old person. I don’t like to use the word jaded, but I feel good to be where I am now; because of what I’ve experienced; I feel more sculptured, think I’ve attained more clarity, and more sure of who I am, what I want, and what qualities I like and dislike about certain men. It’s 6-months before I hit 30, but I’ve been feeling more than many times that my life has actually just begun (omg i can’t believe i’m bloggin such a cliché line, but it’s the truth so shall remain in this space).
Because I like who I am better, now.
C’est la vie. sometimes there’re no reasons. Just deal with it.